My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
