Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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