there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
