What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
