Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
