At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
pop tarts are not kleenex
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Randomize
