Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
