He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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