in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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