He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
