I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
