I am spending my child support on dildos
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy sore nipples Batman
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
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