did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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