By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize