dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize