On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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