my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail