Texts From Last Night

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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?

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  (203): I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon? http://tfl.nu/6yeo
  Replies (34) Good night (4780) Bad night (2682)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life

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  (217): if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life http://tfl.nu/29yn
  Replies (11) Good night (4476) Bad night (1080)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me

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  (717): got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me http://tfl.nu/g14l
  Replies (6) Good night (4172) Bad night (1084)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...

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  (414): i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall... http://tfl.nu/m552
  Replies (3) Good night (3360) Bad night (991)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did

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  (910): It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did http://tfl.nu/v7hu
  Replies (11) Good night (941) Bad night (1567)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.

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  (440): I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation. http://tfl.nu/4dbg
  Replies (2) Good night (958) Bad night (739)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.

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  (+44): So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me. http://tfl.nu/ocor
  Replies (1) Good night (622) Bad night (843)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes

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  (770): Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes http://tfl.nu/v27r
  Replies (13) Good night (1467) Bad night (651)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!

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  (978): Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab. (617): What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family! http://tfl.nu/wlta
  Replies (16) Good night (4133) Bad night (894)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT

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  (404): Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT http://tfl.nu/tfsq
  Replies (4) Good night (1028) Bad night (681)
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  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick

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  (774): stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick http://tfl.nu/dnwu
  Replies (10) Good night (1908) Bad night (705)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom

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  (604): Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom http://tfl.nu/2vz6
  Replies (0) Good night (321) Bad night (631)
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  (386): View more from Florida

  he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.

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  (386): he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy. http://tfl.nu/rtlu
  Replies (2) Good night (592) Bad night (426)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...

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  (617): A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs... http://tfl.nu/kz0n
  Replies (0) Good night (524) Bad night (824)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.

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  (+44): Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here. http://tfl.nu/lm5k
  Replies (0) Good night (773) Bad night (269)

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