Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize