I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
25 Medical Facts That Need To Be Common Knowledge
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.