ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
