I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
