You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize