I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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