Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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