I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
