I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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