but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
