I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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