They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
