I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
