blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
