Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
do herpes really smell.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
