I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
