Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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