i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
