i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
