In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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