walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
