I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i think i have two assholes
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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