I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
