mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
