No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
