I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
