i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
