when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
