his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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