Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
