I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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