I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
