the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
