she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
