If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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