C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I don't deserve a penis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
