First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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