we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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