why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
