Im at strip club and am horny
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
