and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
