I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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