Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
