Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
