Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
