everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
my sisters under your porch take her home
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
