Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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