doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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