he shaved USA in his pubs
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
