My hand turned me down
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We had sex on a dog bed..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
