come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
