She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
