guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
